On the Way to Where We're Going

I've mentioned before about the MUCH needed work God needed to do in me when I was faced with Divorce. As believer's, we know we're born into a world of sin. At a God appointed time, we confess our sins by giving up control of our life to God by asking Jesus into our Hearts.

My question/thought's as we travel our individual journey's is how many times do we forget 'on the way to where we're going' that it is only me/you in the end. Death is 100%. We are all going to die. Most important, it is only me/you on judgement day in front of God answereing the 'many' questions I can only imagine He has for me/you. (No kids, spouses, etc.)

Today, due to the circumstances of 'life', I'm really embarraseed to confess I've become quite vulnerable to the demands of 'life'. Today it 'hit me' really hard I have ALOT of questions to be asked and I am sad about the answer's I have to give. Today it 'hit me' as a Believer, I'm NOT to let demands and circumstances come before God no matter what. This is especially hard when you're a Wife, Mother, employed by your Parents~your #1 weakness is co-dependency and you 'think' their demands and circumstances will gain the much looked for love that many co-dependent(people pleasing) people are searching for. For us, the NEED to do whatever~whenever~no matter how hard it is and usually no matter what the cost is.

I mentioned before, I 'Re-Married' August 08. Can you imagine the demands and vulnerability of a Mom who has 3 of her own kids and Marries a man with 3 kids? Such a Co-dependent/people pleaser's 'dream!' Needless to say, it didn't take long for me to become completely exhausted! And let me remind you I work for my Parents! Wow.

Last September, I was led to have bunion surgery on both my feet. I knew God wanted me to surrender some things. I thought most of this had to do with my job. I gave up 75% of my job and put my trust in Him for His financial provisions to make the remaining 25% spread like only He could do. I 'blogged' before about me seeking God to learn to have 'fun!' Today-what 'hit me' was I haven't been obedient to things like taxes. I've been faithful to my tithe, however not to 'Ceasar.' I watch everyone else take care of their personal 'stuff,' but for some reason I didn't feel deserving of taking care of my own personal 'stuff'. I let their needs become more important than mine. Not good.

My prayer for myself and you is I/you know and understand God wants me/you to seek Him for ALL. He wants each of us to take care of our personal 'stuff.' I/you ARE deserving 'on the way to we're we're going.' I know it's hard when there are so many demands and circumstances in life....I really know. However, today what I know now more than ever that in the end~it is just me/you and God on that ever mentioned Judgement Day and I pray we can be filled with the answers that please Him...Trusting God for ALL!

A Mother's Love

On this Valentine's Eve, my heart is heavy as I recognize my TRUE Love ~ God, and then the love of my life, my Husband...and honestly I feel soooo led to dedicate this Valentine's Day to my 3 Daughters.

I mentioned before in my Deuteronomy 8 Story that when I divorced, I moved out and wanted to make sure my girls lives didn't change(as much as possible). This has not been easy. It's now been almost 5 years and the pain of them not living with me has not gotten any easier, nor does the love of a Mother's Heart ever change.

My oldest continues to 'wow' me as she is the Big Sister I could have only dreamed for. She is the 'Academic' one who is considered the 'Curve setter' at Texas Lutheran University as well as President of the Marketing Association and then serves on the Student Government Association. The other night, she called to tell me she was on her way to cook pasta with a friend and to bring me up to date on all of her 'stuff'. She mentioned she was receiving applications to NYU and Yale for Law School and at first, I had to ask her where is Yale? Then, as I recognized her happiness is all I care about, I went on to the important stuff like~ what kind of pasta was she cooking and more important-how late would she be out?

My middle daughter is a Junior in High School and is the 'Athletic' of the 3. I continue to be so impressed with her as I know how bad 'Peer Pressure' can be for a girl her age. She mentioned to me the other day how hard it is to go to school on Monday's because all the 'Popular people' do is brag about all the parties they went to over the weekend, etc. etc.... and she doesn't know what to say. I try to remind her of the many Blessings in store for her with her God given gifts in athletics as long as she 'Believes!'

The youngest of the 3 is my 'Socialite.' I am the youngest of 3 Girls and was also the socialite. So-it is quite obvious to many I really understand her position. Many 'think' she is my favorite because of this~however God know's they are each my Favorite! I feel like her life has been impacted the most because of my divorce. She continues to amaze me with her ability to adapt. The hardest thing for me is when she calls crying about something I can't help her with-esp. when it involves a fight with her middle sister. The cutest thing about her is she has become very accustomed to hanging out with new friends and is a wonderful Christian witness!

I knew it was the right decision to 'move-out' of the home when I divorced because I really felt God wanted to do some much needed work in me, however I can be completely honest today and say it is the hardest thing I ever imagined doin. I pray and continue to surrender these 3 girls to God... and God knows the biggest desire of my heart is for them to live with me again.

The reality of this is-the oldest won't ever need to live with me as she is in college and on her way to where God is taking her. The middle daughter is a Junior and will be leaving to go off to college in a year. And, the youngest...my oh my...who know's what amazing things God has in store for her!

So, I sit back~humbled~somewhat in tears~ Thanking God for these Beautiful, Sweet Girls and I Love them so much~so often from a distance, but NEVER letting go of the TRUTH and that is a Mother's Love never lessons~it only gets stronger! As you know.... Trusting God for All!

Praise Report! The Battle 'Within' is Mine to Win!

My oh my do we ever serve an amazing God! See, I started working at the age of 16 and for the most part, this has been the main thing I've had 'fun' doin since then. If something work related was going on, it's been somewhat expected that I attend. If it were not work related, inner guilt got the best of me and attempted to keep me from attending.
Wednesday, I found myself realizing I don't think I've ever allowed myself to take the time to have 'real fun' cooking and doing stuff as a Wife and Mom. It's like I let the 'expectations' of these roles take over. My Husband's Mom was coming over for dinner and I found myself 'dreading' the whole process of getting groceries,cooking, etc. I started the day in prayer and found myself asking God to show me ways to have 'fun' doing these things. Amazing-I strolled thru WalMart picking out the 'perfect' fish to cook(even found out Talopia is not Dolphin-duh?!) and then had a great time looking for a Valentine 'goody' for my 21 year old college Daughter-4 Tiara's for her and her roommates to wear to show they are TRUE Princess's to God! Came home, lit candles and had an amazing time preparing the food!

Yesterday, woke-up-Thanked God for the 'fun' I had and asked if I could do it again, but this time, I needed the help to allow myself to go to my Woman's Life group during 'work' hours and have fun. Most of the Ladies there know, I kind of had to 'fib' in the past and say I had a meeting scheduled so I didn't get in trouble.
I went, again, had an amazing day with Ladies who are just that~amazing! As we get to know each other, we're allowing ourselves to let our guard down and share areas in our life we are struggling with and at the end we come together in agreement in prayer that God's promises are TRUE! Yes! Yes! YES! ~Trusting God for All!

The Battle 'Within' is Mine to Win! ~ Exodus 15:19–17:7

Life is so amazing. I'm a grown woman, wife and mother. I guess I thought when I was a young girl that 'grown up' meant something like 'problem free' or better yet, all the battles I faced as a young girl would 'go away' when I 'grew up.'

We'll as I am reading(any praying you are too) my One Year Bible, yesterday I read and really understood the parting of the Red Sea in Exodus and am honestly 'wow'd' at God's love for us.

My heart is pure, my motives are true!

The battle I'm facing today is a battle I believe many of us face and it's the battle 'within.'

Today, for me, many would look at me and see a pretty lady who is joyful and think her life must be so perfect. She is 'remarried' to a GREAT guy and you know the Fairy Tale that goes with that!

...we'll I can say it does keep getting better and better, but I really want you to understand it is only by God's love for us!

As you've read in my earlier posts, I met my Husband at church at God's perfect timing. YES~His timing is really that perfect, however we are all silly humans and many things less than perfection come with this. The biggest 'battle' we/I face are our jobs. He's worked for the same company for the last 23 years where structure is an understatement. He works Monday-Friday and has weekends off. I on the other hand, am in the Real Estate business where flexibility is a given and weekends are somewhat expected. The good news is God has given me a wonderful amount of wisdom and has allowed me to work less-much less and continues to be faithful with financial provisions. Lately, my flexibility has allowed me to feel very bored and guilty when I think I might be having fun while he is working. Now-does he feel guilty when he is having fun on the weekend when I'm working-I don't think so. I've been feeling a HUGE desire to express some of my inner dance, performance onstage, ice skating, etc. feelings. He's not so sure about this. This week, I thought-maybe I would go ice skating during the day so he doesn't feel like he has to give in to something for me that he really doesn't want to do. This is just one of many things I think of doing during the day while he's working and unfortunately the guilt has kept me from doing any of it. Funny enough, last night he mentioned he would be attending a work 'fun' function this Thursday night. I was speechless. He was allowing himself to go have fun with work people. Not church...not couples(us)...the dreaded work people. Oh my, it was soooo hard not to get mad at him. After I sat for ALOT of minutes I told him about my battles. He was kind of like-huh? After a couple of tears, I asked for his help with this...yes to encourage me to have fun during the day while he is working. MY battles are not HIS battles. I can NOT allow his thoughts to take over what I know God's love for me has offered. Do I take advantage of this love~ABSOLUTELY NOT! Must I make sure my priorities are taken care of YES...after this, I honestly believe God's love for me is to have FUN...and yes Trusting Him for ALL!

~I 'might' attach pictures of me Ice Skating...when I go...as I WIN this Battle WITHIN!